300+ Funny Things to Say on First Date

First dates can be a mix of excitement and nerves, but adding a dash of humor can make everything go smoother. A well-timed joke or funny comment not only breaks the ice but also sets the tone for a fun and memorable time together.

In this post, you’ll find some of the best funny things to say on a first date that are sure to lighten the mood and maybe even spark a few laughs!

Funny Things to Say on First Date

• “If this goes well, you can be the ‘tell the grandkids’ story!”
• “So, should we skip straight to planning our imaginary wedding?”
• “I only agreed to this date because my dog told me you seemed nice.”
• “What’s your spirit animal? Mine is a couch potato.”
• “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.”
• “I’m not saying I’m Batman, but we’ve never been seen in the same room together.”
• “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”
• “What’s your favorite conspiracy theory? Mine is that I’ll find love.”
• “On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?”
• “Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?”
• “Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’ve been searching for.”
• “Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.”
• “Do you like raisins? How do you feel about a date?”
• “Can I take you out for dinner again, or do we need to wait for the sequel?”
• “What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. Speaking of, how’s your dinner?”
• “I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together.”
• “If we were at Hogwarts, which house would you be in? Because I’d pick you.”
• “Can I follow you home? Wait, that sounds creepy. How about I just text you?”
• “Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te.”
• “Do you believe in aliens? Because your beauty is out of this world.”
• “If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine apple.”
• “This is going so well, I might cancel my plans to become a crazy cat person.”

Funny Things to Say on Helium

• “Do you like Netflix? Because I’m into making ‘watching Netflix’ more than a suggestion.”
• “Do you believe in fate, or did I just make an excellent first impression?”
• “If this date was a meme, it would be the ‘Distracted Boyfriend’ one, and I’m looking at you.”
• “Are we at the airport? Because my heart is taking off!”
• “I must be a snowflake because I’ve fallen for you.”
• “If you were a sandwich at Subway, you’d be a ‘gorgeous on whole wheat.’”
• “I usually avoid clichés like the plague, but I think we were made for each other.”
• “On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 9, and I’m the 1 you need.”

• “Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda one for me.”
• “If you were a Transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.”
• “I hope you know CPR because you just took my breath away.”
• “Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.”
• “I’d say you’re the bomb, but that’s a dangerous compliment.”
• “If we were on a deserted island, I’d still choose you over a volleyball named Wilson.”
• “Are you an angel? Because I’m allergic to feathers.”
• “If we were both cats, I’d spend all nine lives with you.”
• “If looks could kill, you’d be a weapon of mass destruction.”
• “Do you know why I’m bad at math? Because I keep losing count of how many times I think about you.”
• “Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.”
• “Are you Wi-Fi? Because I’m feeling a connection.”
• “If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘U’ and ‘I’ together.”
• “If this date were a movie, it would be a romantic comedy.”
• “Are you a time traveler? Because I can see you in my future.”
• “Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.”
• “If you were a cat, you’d purr-fect.”
• “Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got ‘FINE’ written all over you.”
• “I like to live dangerously, how about we order dessert before dinner?”

Funny Things Not to Say on First Date

• “So, when do you want to meet my parents?”
• “Do you mind if I take notes? My therapist wants details.”
• “You remind me of my ex—so much better looking!”
• “I’ve already planned our future kids’ names.”
• “Don’t worry, my last date went much worse than this.”
• “I’ve already Googled everything about you.”
• “Do you want to see my collection of pet tarantulas?”
• “My favorite hobby is collecting toenail clippings.”
• “I think we’ll be married by this time next year.”
• “Can you smell that? I’m pretty sure it’s me.”
• “I’m glad you’re not allergic to cats—I have twelve.”
• “I’m saving my first kiss for the wedding day.”
• “Do you think aliens walk among us? Because I do.”
• “I know we just met, but I love you.”
• “I hope you’re into 8-hour-long Monopoly games.”
• “I don’t have friends—just my online followers.”
• “I only ordered a salad because I’m on a juice cleanse.”
• “So, what’s your take on pyramid schemes?”
• “I usually bring my mom on first dates. Is that okay?”
• “I’ve been divorced three times, but that’s in the past!”
• “You look just like my favorite celebrity crush.”
• “Can you hold my phone? I’m swiping right for backup options.”
• “Would you mind if I bring my parrot on our next date?”
• “Do you think we’ll ever meet each other’s standards?”
• “I brought a list of questions—I hope you don’t mind.”
• “My ex told me I’m too clingy. What do you think?”
• “I just got out of prison, so I’m ready to start fresh!”
• “I hope you’re not one of those people who shower daily.”
• “What’s your credit score? Mine’s a work in progress.”
• “I usually avoid human interaction, but you seem worth it.”
• “I’m only dating because I lost a bet.”
• “This is going pretty well considering I forgot to wear deodorant.”
• “My dream is to live in a van and travel the world. Are you in?”

Funny Thing to Say to Someone in Jail

• “Can you handle someone with a few unresolved issues?”
• “I’ve memorized every word of the ‘Twilight’ series.”
• “I’m not looking for a relationship—just someone to share my Netflix password.”
• “I hope you’re okay with splitting the bill—I left my wallet at home.”
• “I usually only date people who remind me of my childhood pet.”
• “I have a sixth sense—I can predict when people will leave me.”
• “How do you feel about prenups? Just curious.”
• “Let’s skip dinner and get matching tattoos instead!”
• “I’ve been meaning to ask—how do you feel about becoming a step-parent?”
• “Do you believe in ghosts? Because I’m pretty sure my house is haunted.”
• “I’ve already planned our second date—at my family reunion.”
• “My friends dared me to come on this date. So far, so good!”
• “I’m still recovering from my last breakup… two years ago.”
• “I hope you’re ready to meet my cats—they’re very judgmental.”
• “I don’t believe in modern medicine. Essential oils are the way to go.”
• “I can’t wait to tell my ex about this date!”
• “Can I borrow some money for the cab ride home?”

Funny But Romantic Things

• “I’m not sure what I’m more excited about—this date or telling my friends how great it’s going.”
• “I was going to wait a few dates to say this, but I think we make an amazing couple already.”
• “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I order dessert first?”
• “I’d say I’m falling for you, but that might make me sound too clumsy on a first date.”
• “I think we’re like a good movie—great chemistry and a perfect storyline.”
• “You’ve already stolen my heart; should I keep an eye on my fries too?”
• “I’m not a mind reader, but I’m pretty sure you and I would make a great team.”
• “This date is like a dream come true—except I’m not waking up with bedhead.”
• “If I were to rate this date, I’d give it a solid 10—just like you.”
• “I’m no poet, but I’d write a sonnet about how amazing you are.”
• “They say love is in the air—so I guess we’re breathing it in together.”
• “I didn’t expect to meet someone who makes my heart skip a beat this soon, but here we are.”
• “Is it weird that I already want to plan our second date? Because I’m down for it.”
• “This might sound cheesy, but I think we’re meant to be, like macaroni and cheese.”

Funny Things to Say to Daughters Boyfriend

• “If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard.”
• “I didn’t know what I was looking for until you walked in and made everything make sense.”
• “If dates were stars, this one would be the brightest in the sky.”
• “I was saving this line for someone special, and you’re it.”
• “I might not be a knight in shining armor, but I can be your partner in crime.”
• “They say laughter is the best medicine, so I guess we’re on the path to a healthy relationship.”